Fatso Jokes
"Yo Fat Momma" Jokes and More!

Last year I replaced all the windows in my house with that expensive double-panel energy efficient kind, and today, I got a call from the contractor who installed them. He was complaining that the work had been completed a whole year ago and I still hadn't paid for them. Hellloooo,........... just because I'm a FAT blonde doesn't mean that I am automatically stupid. So, I told him just what his fast talking sales guy had told me last year, that in ONE YEAR these windows would pay for themselves! Helllooooo? It's been a year! I told him. There was only silence at the other end of the line, so I finally just hung up. He never called back. I bet he felt like an idiot.

Fresh from my shower, I stand in front of the mirror complaining to my
husband that my breasts are too small. Instead of characteristically
telling me it's not so, he uncharacteristically comes up with a suggestion.

If you want your breasts to grow, then every day take a piece of toilet
paper and rub it between them for a few seconds.'
Willing to try anything, I fetch a piece of toilet paper and stand in
front of the mirror, rubbing it between my breasts. 'How long will
this take?' I asked.

They will grow larger over a period of years,' my husband replies. I
stopped. 'Do you really think rubbing a piece of toilet paper between
my breasts every day will make my breasts larger over the years?' Without
missing a beat he says, 'Worked for your FAT ass, didn't it?'

He's still alive, and with a great deal of therapy, he may even walk
again, although he will probably continue to take his meals through a straw.

And then there is Judy. She has so many double chins she looks like she is staring at you over a pile of pancakes.

You are so fat you were baptized in Sea World.

You are so fat, you had your baby pictures taken by satellite.

Kelly is so fat, people jog around him for exercise.

Jim is so fat when they step on the scale it says, "No live stock please."

Yo momma's so fat she needs a VCR for a pager

Your mama's so fat that her belly button makes an echo

Yo momma's so fat her cereal bowl comes with a lifeguard

Yo mama's so fat, on Halloween she says "Trick or Meatloaf!"

Flat Belly
A little boy walks into his parents' room to see his Mom on top of his
Dad bouncing up and down. The mother sees her son and quickly
dismounts, worried about what her son has seen. She dresses quickly and

goes to find him. The son sees his mom and asks, 'What were you and Dad
doing?' The mother replies, 'Well, you know your dad has a big belly and
sometimes I have to get on top of it and help flatten it.' 'You're wasting your time,' said the boy. 'Why is that?' the mom asked puzzled. 'Well when you go shopping the lady next door comes over and gets on her
knees and blows it right back up.'
 

Yo mama's so fat, she pulls up a chair to an all-u-can-eat buffet.

Yo mama's so fat, when she sits around the house, she sits AROUND the house.

Yo mama's so fat, you can pinch an inch on her forehead.

Yo mama's so fat, you could go swimming in her bra.

Yo mama's so fat, when she sits on my face I can't hear the stereo.

Yo mama's so fat, on a scale of 1 to 10, she's a 747.

Yo mama's so fat, she has a greater gravitational attraction than a black hole.

Yo mama's so fat, she uses the carpet as a blanket.

Yo mama's so fat, when she wears corduroy pants, the ridges don't show.

Yo mama's so fat, she made Richard Simmons cry.

Yo mama's so fat, even Richard Simmons laughs at her.

Yo mama's so fat, when she wears a red dress people yell "Hey Kool-Aid Man."

Yo mama's so fat, when she wears a yellow raincoat, people call her "Taxi!"

Yo mama's so fat, when she wears a yellow raincoat, kids think its the school bus.

Yo mama's so fat, when she wears a purple sweater people call her "Barney."

Yo mama is so fat, when she sits in a chair, the rolls on her legs, cover her feet like a blanket.

Yo mama's so fat, she sat on an Oreo and unlocked the magic.

Yo mama's so fat, they had to baptize her at Sea World.

Yo mama's so fat, she jumped in da ocean and the whales started singing "We are family!"

Yo mama's so fat, when I have sex with her I have to slap her ass and ride the wave in.

Yo mama's so fat, they changed my Physics book to say "What goes up must come down, except Yo mama."

Yo mama's so fat, they use the elastic in her underwear for bungee jumping.

Yo mama's so fat, she bungee jumped and went straight to hell.

Yo mama's so fat, when she bungee jumps, she brings down the bridge too.

Yo mama's so fat, she uses blanket as a washcloth.

Yo mama's so fat, when her beeper went off, people thought she was backing up.

Yo mama's so fat, when she goes to the beach, little kids yell "Free Willy, Free Willy."

Yo mama's so fat, when she backs up she beeps.

Yo mama's so fat, she plays pool with the planets.

Yo mama's so fat, she's taller lying down.

Yo mama's so fat, the only thing she can fit into at the clothing store is the dressing rooms.

Yo mama's so fat, when she fell down the stairs, she rocked herself asleep trying to get up again .

Yo mama's so fat, they had to install speed bumps at the all-u-can-eat buffet.

Yo mama's so fat, the highway patrol made her wear a "Caution! Wide Turn" sign.

Fat Pig with Lipstick found!
Swine Flu After Affects Identified !


After becoming very frustrated with the attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the young fat blonde declared, 'Well, then, maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator and get a pair of alligator shoes for free! The shopkeeper replied with a sly smile, 'Well, big lady, why don't you go on and give it a try? The fat blonde headed off to the swamp, determined to catch an alligator. Later in the day, as the shopkeeper was driving home, he spotted the same "big" young woman standing waist deep in the murky water, shotgun in hand. As he brought his car to a stop, he saw a huge 9-foot gator swimming rapidly toward her. With lightning reflexes, the "big" blonde took aim, shot the creature and hauled it up onto the slippery bank. Nearby were 7 more dead gators all lying belly up. The shopkeeper stood on the bank, watching in silent amazement as the "big" blonde struggled mightily and barely managed to flip the gator onto its back. Then, rolling her eyes heavenward, she screamed in frustration.....'CRAP! THIS ONE'S BAREFOOT, TOO!


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